Going through Hell? Then keep going. And don’t turn into a Demon.

Hey all, one day late on this one and that is as out of integrity as I want to get. What do you mean? What do I mean, you mean. Well, in shitty, shitty times, we still have a choice as to how we want to show up. Do we let external circumstances affect our inner purpose, thoughts, feelings, biochemistry, zen, satori… Well, sometimes yes. Sometimes things are truly out of your control and you must bow to the powers of the universe. Right now we are at the mercy of something bigger than us. We could argue whether it is the virus, the government, media, aliens or Mark Zuckerberg at play, though the impact on all of our lives is still the same in one sense. That is, the cause isn’t the concern, it is our reactions. And how can we stay true to ourselves when there is a lot of external shit going on? Well, read on…

A really heartwarming and beautiful example of human decency and community care is how the coaches and owners of my gym have reacted to the current situation. They’ve encouraged members to come in (before the cutoff) and grab whatever equipment they might want at home for the next unknown amount of time so they can work out at home by themselves or via online courses! I thought it was a very cool idea of how such an important and loved service can still survive in this crazy time so when/if/fuck I hop if – things get back to normal they are still in a position to help all the people that they do. Special shout out to Sam for jumping on the phone with me the other day when I was feeling like absolute shit. She really listened to my issues (there are a few…) and certainly made me feel loved, safe and understood. Thanks, legend. Was awesome. P.S. can I pay you guys in beer now?  Anyway -much love for them as great role models for humans. And in shitty times, they’ve shone even more. Insert some snappy remark about diamonds in amongst the turds… Wait – we’re not turds as members. Dammit – retract! Point here – helping people, not just themselves. AND they need to survive and help themselves first… You do.

Now onto my favorite topic… One thing I’ve managed to do so far (and yes, probably less helpful to others!) is to stay true to my commitment to not drink any alcohol. You might think that this an excellent time to cave in and open up one of the 6000-litre tanks of beer in the brewery and attempt the world’s biggest lay-back. And I could. In the past, I’d have used pretty much any excuse to have a beer! It is, after all, a sanitary food product (fine – I may get in trouble for calling it food, though you can live off it for a period of time. Please don’t attempt to though) and it was a safer choice to drink than water in the dark ages. We might be heading back there… I digress. Point is. There is no external force that will make me choose booze until my commitment is up.

So who gives an actual fuck about me not drinking? A few people who want to have a beer with me, but maybe that’s about it. Though my feeling and intuition is – that by doing something hard, something against the norm, something focused and well, fucking intelligent – that other people will start to rethink what they are up to in their lives and what is possible for them. I’m no fucking god and barely human sometimes, though I certainly can choose an empowered way of being that keeps me sane (sane-ish) and feeling good about myself. To a point.

I did have a few paragraphs that I wrote before and they kind of felt really, really, fucking preachy. And kind of like bullshit. So goodbye bullshit words. And instead, some real ones. This fucking virus shit is fucked. It is fucking up the world (well – the repercussions of it are) and I have a bunch of quasi-scientific ideas around why, but who gives a shit when you lose your job and don’t have the same income you once had. It is shit and happening to a lot of people, I get it. I am just expressing my deep sadness and grief at the people it has affected close to me. I feel responsible and yet powerless. Like I need to apologize while I also realize that this is out of my control. Knowing that, do I feel any better? Not really. Can I change the government’s decisions to close certain businesses? Nope. Will blaming them help anyone. I fucking doubt it. Though I do want it to be known that I’m deeply fucking sad for the people that have relied on me and who are now suffering. Fuck. Guys, I’m sorry and I know that is just a word. Though my words are also fucking actions and I will do everything I can to make sure we get through this.

So, in lieu of my moping diatribe, my point is that in the shittiest times we still have some choices. The choice to be a decent human. To choose to stick to our commitments. To be responsible and rational. To not be a toilet paper hoarding idiot. Or to be one… And that is a valid choice for some. Though, some choices are out of our control. We can’t control the decisions of others or the global impact on the economy or people’s ways of life. We can’t really control why it’s still okay to get a tattoo or haircut and not have a beer out (fine – I get it, but, fuck…. it’s frustrating and on two levels) Though we can choose to help our fellow humans and strive to join together to create something decent out of the shit-ass, fuck-pile of a situation.

Enough swearing from me for now… My thoughts, love and well wishes are with you all. All of you, even the Hobbesian toilet paper hoarding “total-dickheads” (I googled selfish people and this came up on powerthesaurus.org! Awesome) who are ruining my favorite past time… You need the most love. Or toilet paper… Whatever.

Stay safe out there




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